This past week has been a significant week for women counsel. Since the beginning of time, I think women have special needs of which only a woman would know best. This is certainly true when it comes to matters of the heart. In these particular instances, the players may have been different but the situation was one in the same. The core message was that of self love. Too often in our society, our own culture and in the women that we look up to for guidance, females are taught to nurture and care for others and in doing so we give of ourselves to our own abandon. To do otherwise, would be selfish. I personally went through years of caring for my younger brother, watching over my father whom I felt responsible for and then as an adult that translated into taking care of my children and taking care of man. Very rarely did I ever think of myself or think of my needs. I went through periods of exhaustion, resentment, anger and emptiness. At the end of the day, after so many years, I had not left room for self love. And so I operated from a place of half empty rather than wholeness. Both the women I listened to open heartedly had their own unique situation but what I intuited so deeply was their lack of self love. What I have learned on my own path and share with my clients and all loved ones is that self love and self care are not selfish but imperative. You cannot receive love outside of yourself more than the level than you feel for yourself. Only when you begin to go within and deeply love yourself, the light and the shadow, will you then begin to attract that into your life. Only then, can you truly give of yourself. The authentic and loving relationship that you carry with you is paramount to the health of the relationships that you will have in life with others.
A practice with self love by Louise Hays: Look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself at least 3x “ I really, really love you!” Make this a daily practice for at least 21 days. When you affirm this several times, breathe that into your being. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but stick with it. Release any judgement that may come to you or you may want to hold about yourself.
“When you need to be loved, you take love wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill, and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your ability to re-create within yourself…” Iyanla Vanzant